DILEMMA ON WHATSAPP

Hello beautiful people of my readership, if you own a smartphone [those my friends with Nokia C3, put your hands down] you  probably have whatsapp so you might have probably faced this dilemma. Those of you without whatsapp [either by choice or lack of smartphone] don’t worry I’m sure the moment MTN and co reduce charges on text rates you will receive some of these messages

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“One day you and I should _________? Text me your answer then pass it on and see how many strange replies u get. Lol don’t spoil the fun. Reply me first tho”

This was the message that popped up on my whatsapp some days ago from………. Lo and behold… the girl I’ve had a crush on for the past 2 semesters. My first instinct was to fill in that blank space with date, go out, be a couple or marry. I quickly began typing ‘D……a…..t…” I halted there. What was I thinking??? She had probably just forwarded it to me without even realising it, just a broadcast message in all likelyhood. Why should I rush and reply in this manner and risk making a fool of myself.

“But what if she meant to send it to you?? What if this is the chance you have been waiting for?? What if she actually has feelings for you but is afraid to show them?? What if she’s waiting for you to make the first move??” my over-optimistic side said………… “Ha….. don’t listen to him. She doesn’t like u, never has and never will. For one thing you arent at her level and even if you were you are short and not that handsome….. besides you don’t stack paper like her male friends. She wont even look at u twice.” my inner pessimist retaliated.

I began to carefully deliberate what my answer should be. Yes we chatted occasionally on whatsapp and in person but it was on the plaonic level. I had heard rumours that she didn’t date non smartphone guys and I’m pretty sure she definitely did not consider my Nokia C3 as a smartphone [asem paaa niee].

Did she know all those my emo whatsapp statuses where inreference to her?? I wondered. Had she paid any attention to any of my facebook statuses and twitter updates?? I was constantly on google searching for the right message with which to profess my love [the ones I had found were either over-used or too corny]

What was a brother to do, declare my love via a forwarded message and risk being forever ridiculed or hold my tongue and let the chance go by??

I had my pride and after the spam BT Jacobs [for want of offending a few people] saga I had learnt a valuable lesson. I quickly made my decision, with as little fuss as possible, I quickly exited whatsapp…….

TROTRO MU NSEM

GMT17:30

So here I was based in my Burma Camp trotro. Attachment had been awfully boring to say the least and I was hungry as hell. Earphones in, I was “soaking” my Frank Ocean (whom I recently discovered is bisexual but then who GAF??) I looked out of the “loading” vehicle (about 53% complete) only to realise that a FIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEE girl was about to add herself to our number. I did what most boys would do, tried using my psychic powers to command the girl to pick the seat next to me. And she did. Boy oh boy!!!!!!!! This niqqa was in luck.

GMT17:43

The mate finally managed to get the front door shut and off we went. Mind you I hadn’t spoken a word to the fine girl who was sitting next to me, I was busily “whatsapping” and of course stealing the occasional glance at her all the while gathering up my vim. Then I noticed my breakthrough, my gold nugget, my “Kobe Bryant” moment (whatever that means). Her beads and not her waist beads you miscreants, hand beads. I would base my initial approach on that.

GMT17:48

For once in my life I thank God for traffic.

Me: Hi

Her: Hi

Me: Sorry to bother you but I was wondering where you purchased those beads. I would really like to get some.

Her: oh these, they were a gift. I don’t know where they were purchased. *giigles shyly*

Me: *greatly encouraged by that giggle* oh okay. Anyways I’m Kwaku and you are…??

Her: I’m Gina. Its Regina actually but I prefer Gina

Me: Okay. That’s nice any reason in particular??

Her: well, its silly………. *smiles*

Me: Humour me…. It cant be that silly

Her: Well I prefer that because………

Trotro Mate: SUPPLY DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!

GMT17:59

Oh crap. I had been daydreaming (that’s my excuse in actual fact I hadn’t managed to gather enough vim to talk to her). Ah well what can I say (no pun intended). I just wasn’t willing to risk being “shyed” by that girl in a trotro full of people I don’t know. I “descend” from the trotro (and my daydream) and spend 10 seconds pondering on what might have been, a good friend? Insults? Sex? Relationship? Gold digger? Guess I’ll never know……………..